Is it bad to give up on your current family? Because I kind of did. I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday and something huge hit me : the things I should get at home, I don't. Yeah that doesn't sound like proper English but whatever, it's what I'm feeling now. I mean, I'm the type of person that thrives on attention. When I get attention and people praise me, I feel accepted and loved. Well it's hard to feel love when the most I get from my mom is criticism. And the sad thing is, she doesn't even know how much it bothers me. I try and tell her, "Mom just stop" and she's just like "Well then stop doing it". What the heck? This isn't a fairy tale where I can snap my fingers and change, turning into a completely different person. She shows hardly any interest in what I like, calling it dumb or weird. When I did let her read my writing, she'd try and change it or wouldn't like it. Now she wants to read it but I'm like no way. And she expects me to be like her when she was a teen. So what if I sleep in till 3? What if I'm a bit lazy? Do you see any other teens willing to work with their mentally handicapped brother and sister for their summer job? Who wants to be stuck around sick people all the time? Where's the gratitude and the nice words?

I can admit, I'm a bit snippy to her. Sometimes she drives me batty. And her logic sometimes makes no sense. And this really ticks me off : she can't seem to leave things alone. You know how some women bring things back from the past, even if they say the issue is done? Obviously it's not done with you if you continue to bring it up.

I'm trying, I really am. But I don't expect this family of mine to be the support system I need and want. I look for that elsewhere. I care about them but the way they treat me makes me feel less than I know I am. I begin to question my existence, if I should live or not, if they even care. I shouldn't feel this way coming home. And then they think I'm rude when I say I don't wanna come home.

Sigh.

I don't know anymore. I just need some time......