I'm the type of girl that screws up her chances with the guy she wants. Every single time. It flipping sucks! First Lucas. After he said he liked me, I didn't do anything. Then he goes for other girls. With Andrew, I just moved to another school. No chance of long-distance. Then Ryan. Everyone thought we liked each other. He liked me, I didn't like him. I said, "You're my best friend." He said, "You're my best friend too." Then I fell for him, hard. But he started dating my friend, and we tip-toed around our feelings for each other till one day, I faced my fears, told him, and confused the hell out of him. And then there's Nick.

The ex. 

Ugh. 

That was perfect. He was everything I needed. I was an ass. A jerk. A down-right piece of crud underneath his shoes, not even worthy enough to be scrapped off. But he still loved me. After he almost died, I realized that he was important to me, and stayed by him for awhile. But then, I got feeligns for another boy, followed his advice, broke up with my boyfriend and walked off, knowing I could not turn back and say, "Haha April Fools!" Cause it was June. 

Now what do I do?

I want a chance with a boy again. No, strike that. A male. Man or boy. Someone who I can love with all my heart. Someone who is so deserving of love. Someone who's not afraid of being a child. Someone who I'm not afraid to say I love you to and hope I didn't just ruin their day. But will I actually be able to do that? Usually when I can't find someone like that, I just go and kiss any guy who's lips are willing. Does that make me a whore? I wish; it'd mean I get paid. XD

I don't know where that came from. Actually I do. And I made myself one promise.

I know I screwed up everything with Nick. I don't want him back cause I need to protect him. From me. I'd only hurt him. And for that, even if I did wanna go for it once again, I can't allow myself to. I told myself that I would protect him from being hurt again. I don't wanna see him like that ever again. If I can help it, I'll beat the bitch who screws with his heart. I usually don't swear. But I'm swearing at all those girls and at myself.

Nick,

I' screwed you over in the past. I won't do it again. But if anyone tries it, they'll get their ass kicked by me. I don't wanna hear about your heartbreaks. I don't wanna see your face upset. No crying. It reminds me of what I did to you. So I promise to protect you. I'm your angel, as you've said. And this time, I'm here to protect you.

-Akashia